she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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