Kiss
Puke
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You need a sexual gate keeper
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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