Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
