So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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