The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
