Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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