How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
