Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
