"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
