Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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