I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
