So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
...so i touched it.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
