Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
