You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
