i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
