I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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