You made me cry and you don't even care
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
