This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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