I think my fart just growled at me.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
