i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
