I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
