i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
