True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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