I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
