I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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