Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you traded sex for a burrito?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
