Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The chlamydia really affected his face.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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