I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Bring me that man meat
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
