Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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