Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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