Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
