I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
