bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
