She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
