Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Dignity is for republicans.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
