Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
