Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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