My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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