I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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