Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Sext me about skeletons
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
