someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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