I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
