Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
