i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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