I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
