Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
