The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
