the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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