whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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