Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
