dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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