Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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