Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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