As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
