Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You pole danced in your parka.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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