We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
