I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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