His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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