she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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