You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
