He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
