Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
