i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
