just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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