I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
