that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
