I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
