oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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