The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
