Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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