Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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