You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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