I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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