Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
