The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
